3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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