I will die if light touches me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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