Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
