Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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