i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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