So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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