Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
