why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
