I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
