eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
