meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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