R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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