Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
