Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
