I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
