genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
