weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
