It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
