My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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