i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
