i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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