Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
