in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
