We're like a lot better than the average bears
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
