if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
