I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
