she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
