do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
