and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
