remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She is in my trunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
