Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
