if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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