whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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