The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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