remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
