I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize