We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there is glitter all over my balls
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