it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
