why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
