I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
