so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
