Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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