lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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