Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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