What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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