i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
