the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
