mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
accomplished twins. life is a go
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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