You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
