I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
