I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
