I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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