my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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