theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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