The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
