My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
