im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
