checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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