I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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