Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
