Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
