she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
