Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
ok first of all what the fuck
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
