I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
