so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
