You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i drank out of a bidet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
