I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize