i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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