Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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